


The Art Of Being Human

by mothstars, Ribbonlette



Series: The Art of Being Human [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Established Relationship, M/M, Other, Sad Ending, this is just purely sad tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-18 17:56:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3578637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothstars/pseuds/mothstars, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ribbonlette/pseuds/Ribbonlette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a person, it’s not something that comes easy to him. he’s always having to remind himself of little things about being human.</p><p>Don't smile when you’re angry. smiling is for happiness.</p><p>Don't pull signs from the road, that’s scary.</p><p>Don't act as if injuries don’t hurt, when you’re bleeding you're supposed to be in pain.</p><p>Don't be afraid, because everyone is afraid of you.</p><p>Don't fall in love, you'll only hurt them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Art Of Being Human

**Author's Note:**

> So it seems all I write is angst oops. That's what I like though also I'm just trying to get back into writing so things are a bit sloppy but hey with practice i will get better! Anyways i hope this isn't total crap and that you enjoy it!! uvu

     Being a person, it’s not something that comes easy to him. he’s always having to remind himself of little things about being human.

 

_Don't smile when you’re angry. smiling is for happiness._

 

_Don't pull signs from the road, that’s scary._

_Don't act as if injuries don’t hurt, when you’re bleeding you're supposed to be in pain._

_Don't be afraid, because everyone is afraid of you._

_Don't fall in love, you'll only hurt them._

It takes effort. it takes reminders to remain what society dubs “Human.”

But he tries anyways, he wakes up like everyone else, despite the effort. He gets up, he gets dressed. He makes breakfast, he checks his phone, he goes to work. In the simplest of ways, some might say he's just like everyone else.

 

_He knows they’re wrong._

 

     He knows that while he does human things, he does things no one else does as well. He gets angry. He gets himself into a blind rage, one that’s unstoppable. He’ll wreck whatever is in his path, he’ll tear the streets apart and he knows, he knows for a fact that’s not something a human could do.

    He gets scared too, though. He gets terrified of his own rage, as if it’s some sort of monster living inside him. Just waiting for him to lose focus so it can take over. He's afraid it will one day, he's afraid that he’ll lose control, that he’ll lose _him_ self.

    He's cautious. Behind the rages, behind the fights with Izaya and the times that he threw one too many punches, he's cautious. He doesn’t want to hurt anybody. He doesn’t want to drive everyone away. Because while they’re scared of him no one will be as scared as he is. Because no one knows him like he does.

    No one knows, but it’s better that way. He decided a long time ago that it was better to stay away from others. It was safer, not only for them but for him as well. He doesn’t want to hurt people. He doesn’t want to hurt himself. So he tries to stay away.

 

    And it worked, for the most part.

 

    There were only a few people that he allowed in. Sure, he had a few acquaintances, but none of them knew him. He only allowed a select few to actually learn about him, to see him vulnerable.

 

    There was one person, however, that managed to let himself in without Shizuo even knowing.

    That person was Orihara Izaya. He had met Izaya in high school. Shinra had introduced the two of them and one might saw that it was hate at first sight. right away Shizuo and Izaya fought, running the streets and causing mayhem. He never really thought that what Izaya was to him would change from “worst enemy” to “someone I can trust.”

    But it happened. Over years the fighting died down, over time he had grown fond of the informant. He hoped that Izaya had grown fond of him, too.

    No one really expected the change, no one expected it when the two became closer, when their fights became less bloodthirsty until they died off almost completely.

 

    It was nice.

 

    Having someone that could see him vulnerable, having someone that had seen his rages, that had seen him at his worst but still stayed, it was incredible. He could hardly believe it, didn’t think it was even possible. But somehow, it was. somehow, Izaya stayed despite all his flaws and really, he couldn’t ask for more.

    He loved Izaya. He loved Izaya more than anything. He loved Izaya with all he had and he made sure to show it. He made sure to leave little gifts, he was sure to check up on Izaya, to tell him the things he liked about him, he made sure to remind Izaya that he loved him. He wanted Izaya to know that he was loved, because he knew what it was like to be alone. He would never wish that on anyone.

\----

 

    A garbled, wet sounding cough filled the alleyway. There was a jerk of shoulders, followed by a pained groan.

 

    _It hurts…_

 

     Eyes blink slowly, his vision blurry and mind foggy. It takes him a few moments to get his vision to focus enough to realize what he was looking down at.

 

_Blood…?_

 

He slowly brings one hand to his chest, letting out a shaky breath when his hand comes in contact with a long, metal beam. There's a shaky, barely there breath and a tiny groan as he rested his head back against the wall he was currently leaning back against.

 

“Shit…”

 

He let his eyes slip closed, the effort of keeping them open draining him faster than what he liked. It hurt like hell, but he wasn’t sure what to do. He tried moving, getting his limbs to function enough to pull himself up off the ground, but all he could manage was to move his arms a bit. He let out a small sound of frustration. He didn’t want it to end like this. He didn’t want to be alone in some alleyway bleeding out. But he was. He was and it scared him.

After a few minutes of struggling to move, to get up, to do something, he gave up. He had no energy left, no fight left in him. By now there was a pool of blood on the ground around him, his shirt was stained red and blood was dripping from his lips down his chin. There was no hope.

He decided, even if it was his last chance, he had to hear his voice.

It took him a few minutes of fumbling with his pockets to find his phone. Took him even longer to get his hands steady enough to dial the number. He brought the phone to his ear, positioning it between his ear and his shoulder and letting his hands fall to his sides.

Then he waited. The line rang, it rang once. twice. three times. then a voice cut in. He was about to smile, about to greet the informant that he had grown so fond of, but soon the call was going to voicemail and Shizuo could feel his heart sinking. He tried to keep his voice from shaking too much, however. Tried to be relaxed. He didn’t want to hurt the person he loved the most.

 

“Hey… Izaya. Ah… I guess… you’re busy rah… right now. Um.” He swallowed hard, taking in a shallow, shuddering breath. this was harder than he had thought. “I… I love you. You know that, right...? I love you a lot. And I’m… I’m going to be late for dinner tonight, but don’t wait for me. Your food will be too cold by the time I’m home.”

He hesitated, wanting to tell Izaya about why he wouldn’t make it home. He wanted to, but he could feel himself fading fast, his body tingling and vision getting dark.

 

“Well… I have to go now, but… be safe. I’ll miss you.”

 

He cursed himself, watched blankly as the phone slipped from his shoulder and clattered to the ground. He cursed as his vision faded out into nothingness. He cursed as his mind became foggy and dark. He cursed because he realized something that he was never able to see. Something that he had longed for all his life even though it was right under his nose.

  
_The feeling of being loved, just like a human._


End file.
